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Vampire Jokes

Vampires, ghosts, witches, werewolves, pumpkins, scarecrows, skeletones and many, many more infernal creatures come out from the forbidden world and appear at Halloween's night.
But, althought you may consider them as scary and dangerous, there's nothing to be afraid of! Laugh at them- they're funny and a bit silly :-)...


Q: What does a vampire fear most?
A: Tooth decay.

Q: Where did the vampire open his savings account?
A: At a blood bank.

Q: What does a baby bat say before going to bed?
A: Turn on the dark. I'm afraid of the light.

Q: What is Transylvania?
A: Dracula's terror-tory.

Q: Where does Dracula water ski?
A: On Lake Erie.

Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween night?
A: By blood vessels.

Q: Which part of a restaurant don't vampires go in?
A: The non-Suckers section.

Q: What kind of ship does Dracula own
A: Blood vessel.

Q: Why doesn't anyone like Count Dracula?
A: He's a pain in the neck.

Q: What do you call Count Dracula's cookout?
A: Vampire camfire.

Q: What does Dracula say when introduced to someone?
A: "Hello, pleased to eat you.

Q: How do vampires drive around?
A: In their bloodmobiles.

Q: What is Dracula's position in baseball?
A: Batboy.

Q: Who is the Dracula's super hero girl friend?
A: Bat Ghoul.

Q: What is the largest building in Transylvania?
A: The Vampire State Building.

Q: Why did Dracula go to jail?
A: Because he robbed the blood bank.

Q: What's a vampire's favorite feast?
A: Fangsgiving Day dinner.

Q: Why did the vampire's lunch give him heartburn?
A: It was a stake sandwich.

Q: What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
A: A blood hound.

Q: What do you get if you cross a vampire & a computer?
A: A know-it-all, that's really a pain in the neck.

Q: Which building does Dracula visit in New York?
A: The Vampire State Building.

Q: Who is a vampire likey to fall in love with?
A: The girl necks door.

Q: What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
A: It's a pain in the neck.

Q: How can you tell if a vampire has been in a bakery?
A: The jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.

Q: How does a girl vampire flirt?
A: She bats her eyes.

Q: Was Dracula ever married?
A: No he's a bat-chelor.

Q: Where does Dracula keep his valuables?
A: In a blood bank.

Q: What did the kid vampire say to his mommy at night?
A: "Mommy, turn off the switch. I'm afraid of the light.

Q: What is worst than a hungry vampire?
A: A thirsty vampire.

Q: What do you give a vampire with a cold?
A: Coffin Drops.

Q: What does a weight-conscious vampire drink?
A: Blood Light.

Q: What is the favorite test that vampires love to take?
A: A blood test.

Q: What is a vampire's favorite game?
A: Bat-miton.

Q: What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A: A neck-tarine.

Q: Why does Dracula consider himself a good artist?
A: Because he likes to draw blood.

Q: Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
A: He had bat breath.

Q: What is the best way to talk to Count Dracula.
A: Long distance.

Q: Why didn't Dracula get married?
A: He never met a nice Ghoul.

Q: What is Count Dracula's favourite snack?
A: A fang-furter.

Q: What is red, sweet and bites people?
A: A jampire.

Q: What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
A: A blood hound.

Q: What was the Californian vampire hippy like?
A: He was ghoul man, real ghoul.

Q: What's a vampire's favourite sport?
A: Bat-minton.

Q: What happened to the mad vampire?
A: He went a little batty.

Q: What do vampires have at eleven o'clock every day?
A: A coffin break.

Q: How does a vampire like his food served?
A: In bite sized pieces.

Q: Why did the vampire take up acting?
A: It was in his blood.

Q: Who plays centre for the vampire football team?
A: The ghoulscorer.

Q: What do you get if you cross a vampire with a snail?
A: I don't know but it would slow him down.

Q: Which vampire ate the three bears porridge?
A: Ghouldilocks.

Q: What's a vampire's favourite drink?
A: A bloody mary.

Q: What's a vampire's favourite dance?
A: The fangdango.

Q: Which vampire tried to eat James Bond?
A: Ghoul-finger.

Q: Why did the vampire baby stop having baby food?
A: He wanted something to get his teeth into.

Q: What happened at the vampires race?
A: It finished neck and neck.

Q: Where did vampires go to first in America?
A: New Fang-land.

Q: What happened at the vampires reunion?
A: All the blood relations went.

Q: What do you get if you cross Dracula and Al Capone?
A: A fangster.

Q: Why did Dracula go to the dentist?
A: He had fang decay.

Q: What did the vampire say to the wolfman?
A: You look like your going to the dogs.

Q: What is the American national day for vampires?
A: Fangsgiving day.

Q: To learn more about Dracula what do you have to do?
A: Join his fang club.

Q: Why are vampire families so close?
A: Because blood is thicker than water.

Q: What flavour ice cream is Dracula's favourite?
A: Veinilla.

Q: Why do vampires like school dinners?
A: Because they know they won't get stake.

Q: What's a vampire's favourite animal?
A: A giraffe.

Q: Why was the young vampire a failure?
A: He fainted at the sight of blood.

Q: What happened to the vampire who ate sheep?
A: He felt baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.

Q: What's Dracula's favourite coffee?
A: Decoffinated.

Q: What do you get if you cross Dracula with Sir Lancelot?
A: A bite in shining armour.

Q: What does a vampire bath in?
A: A bat tub.

Q: What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a cold?
A: Coffin medicine.

Q: What does the postman deliver to vampires?
A: Fang mail.

Q: What's Dracula's favourite soup?
A: Scream of tomato.

Q: What does a vampire stand on after taking a shower?
A: A bat mat.

Q: What do romantic vampires do?
A: Neck.

Q: What does a vampire say to the mirror?
A: Terror, terror on the wall....

Q: Why do people hate being bitten by vampires?
A: Because it's a drain in the neck.

Q: Why doesn't anybody like Dracula?
A: He has a bat temper.

Q: Why did Dracula go to the dentist?
A: He had a fang-ache.

Q: Why are vampires like false teeth?
A: They all come out at night.

Q: Why does Dracula wear patent leather shoes?
A: Sandals don't look good with his tuxedo.

Q: Why won't vampires drink chicken blood?
A: Because its fowl tasting.

Q: What type of dog do vampire's like the best?
A: Bloodhounds.

Q: What is a vampire's favourite film character?
A: Batman.